I Didn’t Accomplish Anything in 2020 and That’s Okay

As the year comes to a close, you're going to see a lot of posts popping up about what people were able to accomplish in 2020. You might also see posts about highlights and amazing things that people received this year (promotion, marriage, having a baby, more time with family, etc.) despite such a devastating time in history.

I understand why they want to talk about the good things. I get that people want to share their silver linings with others - I do. It can just be triggering if your year was, well, awful. By all means people should feel comfortable enough to talk about positives, but I want to talk to those of you who are like me and are in a sensitive place this time of year. Warning: this post is going to feel like a bit of a downer for a second, but I promise it's going somewhere.

Personally, my year wasn't productive or great. I only got to work from home for a few months on and off so I didn't gain any of this magical free time or life without pants that many humble bragged about on social media. I still had to go into work, wear my mask for 8 hours a day, and interact with the public through my job. I didn't pick up new hobbies and abandoned most of my old ones.

In the few months before things went downhill, I was finally making some friends, going to weekly trivia nights, going to the gym, and even started playing DnD with my boyfriend and some of his co-workers. Once COVID hit our region, I stopped seeing these people as much. I stopped working out. I was beginning to feel like old friends didn't have as much time for me anymore before COVID and quarantine just enhanced that feeling. I started to feel so lonely. I also lost out on some events that I was really looking forward to from concerts to international traveling. There were so many days where I was just going through the motions.

Aside from COVID, I also turned 28 this year and it was probably the loneliest birthday I've had sine I was in college. It was also a stark reminder that I'm one year closer to 30 and have accomplished less than half of the things that my peers have who are much younger than me. I still don't have a house, I didn't get engaged, and I'm still only making half of what my peers make at their jobs. I don't ask for much, but it hurts when I want basic things that every 24 year-old seems to easily obtain here in the Midwest.

To top things off, my old car spent a good part of the year in the shop and finally died on me this fall. Right now I'm saving up for a new one, but between rent and student loans it gets a bit tight. Especially when I wanted to use some of that money to fix my overjet (although the teeth thing is all motivated by vanity so I should stop complaining about first world problems now). So needless to say, I did not have a fruitful year.

A lot of people probably had a year like mine. Some had a much, much worse one. I'm lucky that my problems aren't that bad, but at the same time I can't pretend that they don't sting.

So yes, I didn't accomplish one single thing this year and honestly...that's okay. We had a pandemic, it's okay if all you did was survive. Honestly though, I want this idea to apply to any year and not just one with obvious issues. Even in a year with no pandemic where everything is perfectly normal, it's more than okay not to accomplish amazing things or hit a new milestone. We shouldn't have to feel like we're in constant competition with our peers. We shouldn't have to feel like always being busy is a sign of success. To be frank, that criteria for success is bullshit.

It's okay to just live. It's okay if your success was simply getting out of bed and taking a shower. Maybe it was just working out for 30 minutes or eating one healthy meal. Maybe it was having one day of nothing to recharge yourself. To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever attain the life goals I have set out for myself. I might not get married. I might never make more than I do now or get out of the Midwest. It breaks my heart to even write that, but if I keep judging my worth by that type of success then my mental health will spiral.

I'm someone who struggles to find happiness. Like many, I live with anxiety and depression which can be an awful mix at times, but I don't want to keep beating myself up for not meeting standard of success that isn't always obtainable. Besides, gaining those things won't erase the anxiety and my life won't spontaneously turn into a happy-go-lucky sitcom (as amazing as that would be). So from now on success should be correlated to simply living. By being a good person, helping others, being kind, by not hating yourself, by laughter, by new experiences, enjoying a new show or picking up a new hobby. Because if isn't, then what is the point?

Be mindful this year as you're scrolling through social media (or stay off of it if you need to). Maybe take a minute to write down a few things you feel thankful this year even if they don't seem like much to you. No matter how you feel with the end of 2020, I wish you all nothing but the best moving forward. I know a new year isn't a magic reset button, but I am sending some good vibes your way as we continue on!